Last week, we hung our heads in embarrassment as our romantically challenged hero, Will, favorably compared his girlfriend, Sam, to a corpse. Although this moment currently ranks 64th on the “100 Biggest Boyfriend Blunders of All Time” list, we felt at least some degree of empathy for Will: Sam had told him that nothing between them would change and this was exactly the sort of comment that pre-boyfriend Will would’ve made.
Of course, Sam didn’t mean that literally nothing would change, but Will hadn’t picked up on that (Will doesn’t pick up on most things, in case you hadn’t noticed). In the midst of this misunderstanding, we gave major kudos to Sam, who demonstrated that she was a caring, patient, and understanding girlfriend by kindly instructing Will on appropriate boyfriend etiquette.
Now that Will’s received proper instruction, we wait with baited breath to see how he responds. Does he overcome his mistakes and conquer all boyfrienddom, or does he fail to deliver, yet again? Find out this week on “Our Story.”
I’m a Boyfriend Machine
I don’t want to brag, but after our little chat, I dominated being a boyfriend (queue Sam rolling her eyes). Seriously though, once I knew what Sam expected from me, it wasn’t that hard to be a good boyfriend. Here are a few examples of the things I did after taking “Boyfriend 101”:
I opened every door that Sam’s shadow graced. I even opened doors she had no intention of walking through, just to show her how much I cared.
Each week night, I spent several hours with Sam. Even though these rendezvous were typically less than romantic (unless you find watching me solve physics problems romantic, and if you do, you have problems), Sam appreciated that I made the effort to be with her.
On weekends, I spent every waking moment with Sam. While Saturdays were mostly spent doing homework (again), I did break away in the evenings to take Sam on dates. In an effort to show her how deep and cultured I was, I took her to a comedy club for our first date and a ballet for our second. On Sundays, we would spend the whole day together (I didn’t do homework on Sunday) going to church, taking walks, cooking, reading books, talking, etc.
A few times a week, I’d leave a note on Sam’s car windshield for her to find before leaving for work. While most people reading these notes would have assumed Sam was dating a fourth grader (penmanship and romantic sentiment have never been my strong suits), Sam loved reading them because they’d leave her thinking about me the rest of the day.
I talked on the phone with Sam while she drove to work. This doesn’t seem that amazing until you realize that Sam worked nearly an hour away and she typically left for work around 5:00 a.m. While I wasn’t all that coherent for most of these conversations, Sam appreciated my efforts both because I kept her awake and because I was sacrificing for her.
I wrote poems for Sam. I’m not going to pretend that these poems were great works of art – actually, I’m not even sure they qualified as art. They were terrible. But Sam loved them because they showed that I was thinking about her, even when she wasn’t around.
My Efforts Pay Off
Apparently, my boyfriending efforts had quite the impact on Sam. After two week of dating, Sam confided to Kathryn (her roommate that set us up), “I know this sounds crazy, but I’m going to marry Will Carter.”
And this wasn’t one of those silly schoolgirl sort of “I’m going to marry him one day” declarations. No, Sam was dead serious. She was completely convinced that I was the one for her and that we were going to get married.
Kathryn didn’t quite know what to say. Two week ago, there had been a very real possibility that Sam and I were never going to talk ever again. Now, we were going to get married? A lot changed in those two weeks.
Of course, after Sam made this announcement, she quickly added, “But you can’t tell Will.”
Next Week . . .
Now that Sam knows she’s going to marry Will, how long does it take for them to say “I love you”? And, who says it first? Find out on the next episode of “Our Story.”
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