I don’t like to brag, but I’m probably the coolest person ever. Just ask my kids, they’ll tell you all about it. Granted, they’re only five and three, and maybe they are a little biased (being my children and all). But I’ll take the praise they’re handing out because frankly, it’s hilarious.
For example, after finishing a basketball season in my work league, Junior asked, “Daddy, are you going to play for the Lakers again?” At first, I thought he just assumed we’d named our team after the Lakers because our jerseys were yellow. But, after a short conversation, it became very clear that he thought I had in fact been playing for the Los Angeles Lakers. Because, you know, I’m that good at basketball.
And my athletic abilities apparently extend beyond that. When asked if his dad was the fastest person ever, Junior thought for a moment and slowly replied, “I’m not sure.” His delayed response was probably because he knows about the Flash (the comic book character who can run so fast he travels through time). But even with that knowledge, he wasn’t yet ready to rule out the possibility that I might be the fastest man alive.
But, none of that tops the praise I received the other night at Walmart. After picking Addy up and putting her in the cart, the following conversation ensued:
Junior: Wow, Dad, you’re so strong.
Addy: Yeah, you’re the strongest man there ever was.
Junior: But what about the Hulk? He’s really strong.
Addy: Yeah, the Hulk is really strong.
Junior: So, it’s probably the Hulk, then you, Daddy. (Second place to the Hulk, I’ll take it.)
Me: What about Captain America? He’s pretty strong.
Junior (slapping himself on the forehead): I forgot about Captain America. So now it’s the Hulk, then you, then Captain America.
Me: So I’m stronger than Captain America?
Junior: Yeah, and Spiderman and Iron Man. Wait, is Iron Man made out of iron?
Me: I don’t think so. I think his suit is made of iron, but not him.
Junior: Oh, ok. So it’s you . . . no, wait, the Hulk, then you, then Captain America, then Spider-Man, then Iron Man.
Addy: But, Junior, Daddy is really, really stronger.
Junior: Wait, is Daddy stronger than the Hulk?
Addy: Probably . . . Yes.
Junior: Ok, Dad, so it is you, then the Hulk, then Captain America, then Spider-Man.
Me: I’m stronger than the Hulk?
Junior: Yeah, Dad, you’re probably the strongest man alive.
So, to recap, I’m a retired professional basketball player who played for the Lakers, I might be faster than the Flash, and I’m definitely stronger than the Hulk.
Not bad for your average thirty-year-old dad. Not bad at all.